Thursday, 15 January 2015
my midwife said to me last week 'it feels like your pregnancy is taking forever' and feeling and being sick and ill constantly since the summer, it has felt f-o-r-e-v-e-r ... but I also feel like I have needed this time to get my head around being pregnant!
you would think that when you have longed all your life for something, to have it happen you would be ready for it ... and in some ways I was, it has felt very natural and right, the timing has been perfect and I am happier than I have ever been in my life before ... but it sinking in is another thing!
we had been trying for a baby for about 6 months, but about 6 weeks before the wedding I decided to stop stressing about it as I needed to concentrate on the wedding ... and so then of course it happened ... we found out the week of the wedding that I was pregnant ... it did make the wedding a bit of a dream, all I could think was 'I'm pregnant!' and that lasted for a while ... the week after the wedding the sickness started so that only added to the 'I'm definitely pregnant!' but it was still not really real!
then something happened in our family and the fragileness of pregnancy hit home ... although I was determined not to worry, I couldn't help it ... after all why should I be lucky enough to have this baby ... it was all too good to be true ... things like that never happened to me ... I was the girl that was always alone and had to watch other people have miracles in their lives ... it wouldn't really be my turn would it?
but I made it to 12 weeks and we went for the scan ... it was all good ... moving around, hiccuping and everything was ok ... I started to relax and wanted to enjoy the pregnancy. Although my bump and boobs were growing and I could see my body was changing it still felt unreal ... the baby didn't seem real and I must admit that the scan picture slightly freaked me out ... it was lovely and clear but looked like a tiny skeleton in me and not how my little baby should look!
the next 2 months were long ... I was coughing and coughing and being sick and not sleeping, and keeping Steve up with my coughing. One down side of pregnancy is you can't take much medication especially cough mixture. I did have one lot of antibiotics but they didn't touch it and the doctor didn't want to give me more ... looking back now, it seems like I was in a daze. Everyone kept saying 'its good practice for when the baby comes and you will have no sleep' but surely we should be trying to get as much sleep now as possible seeing as we probably wont be having much for the next few years?????
I think my 20 week scan was one of the best days of my life ... I didn't think I was worried, but the relief I felt afterward shows I must have been. We found out what it was and suddenly our baby was real ... I felt connected ... I could picture it ... having a cute scan picture helped too ... it was a baby not a weird little thing ... and there was hair on its head and a little turned up nose ... it was moving around too and I could feel it!
that feeling has only grown stronger and as I enter my third trimester the bond I feel with my bump is how I used to think pregnancy should be ... I love it when I'm awake in the night and can feel movement inside me ... this little baby has made my life complete and I still can't believe that I have been blessed this much.
so yes, in some ways my midwife is right, this pregnancy has felt forever ... and I still have 3 months to go and I can't wait for it to be here and hold it in my arms, but I think I needed a few months to let it sink in and be real. I am still coughing and keeping Steve awake but not being sick so much so am feeling a bit better and now I can start getting ready for the Spring, when my life really will change and never be the same again!